|
Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...
|
Physical intimacy may be the last thing on your mind after having a miscarriage. But as you heal both physically and mentally, you’ll likely start to wonder when you can have sex again.
In general, you may get the green light to have sex as soon as 2 weeks after your miscarriage — usually after the bleeding has stopped. But there are some situations that require a longer wait and others that could prompt a visit to your doctor.
Why it’s good to wait before having sex again
First, the physical details of it — which we know can be hard to process.
After a miscarriage, you may bleed for a period of time as your body clears the uterus. While all this is happening, your cervix dilates wider than normal. When the cervix is more open, the uterus is more prone to infection.
This is why doctors recommend waiting at least 2 weeks after miscarriage to insert anything into the vagina, including tampons, douches, and — yes — anything else that may penetrate.
Up to 20 per cent of (known) pregnancies end in miscarriage. This makes the loss a relatively common experience. But the actual way a miscarriage happens can be quite individual.
Some people may experience what’s called a missed miscarriage (also medically called a missed abortion, though it’s not elective), where the fetus has died but there are no outward signs. Or other times, a miscarriage may be considered “incomplete” if not all the fetal tissue has passed from the vagina.
In these situations, your doctor may recommend medical intervention — like certain drugs to speed the process along or a dilation and curettage (D and C) procedure. The recommendations to wait to have sex apply here as well, but the specific amount of time may depend on your symptoms and any other unique circumstances.
Additional factors that determine wait time
How long it takes to recover from miscarriage depends on several things.
For example, it may have to do with the development (size) of the fetus. The definition of miscarriage is loss of a pregnancy before week 20. A very early miscarriage or chemical pregnancy may resolve on its own relatively quickly and more closely resemble a late period. A later miscarriage, on the other hand, may require some more physical healing time.
Miscarriages that happen spontaneously and result in all fetal tissue being expelled from the uterus may also resolve more quickly. Missed miscarriages may take longer to start or to complete, requiring surgery and more overall recovery time.
Your doctor may also have different guidelines for you to follow if you’ve experienced an ectopic or molar pregnancy.
In general, it’s a good idea to check in with your doctor regardless of how or when you’ve miscarried. Your specific healing timeline may be different from somebody else’s.
Waiting for the bleeding to stop
We’ve mentioned that you should wait until the bleeding’s stopped — either after your miscarriage or after your missed or incomplete miscarriage and D and C — to have sex.
Again, how long and how heavy you’ll bleed can be quite individual. It has to do with a number of situations, including whether or not all the tissue has been expelled from the uterus. If you have a complete miscarriage, your bleeding may stop within 1 to 2 weeks. Some experts say it’s not so textbook and that bleeding can last anywhere between just 1 day to 1 month.
With a D and C procedure, bleeding time can also vary. Since surgery aims at removing everything from the uterus, the bleeding may be slightly shorter and last between 1 and 2 weeks. But this may be added to the time you already spent bleeding at the onset of the miscarriage.
Keep in mind that you may need to check in with your doctor if you haven’t stopped bleeding after your miscarriage or D and C. If you’ve retained tissue, you may need more surgical intervention.
Your doctor will likely schedule a follow-up appointment to examine the contents of your uterus via ultrasound and check for any remaining tissue. If tissue remains, it can lead to infection, so it’s important to abstain from sex until your uterus is empty.
Do I need to wait until after my first post-miscarriage period?
Your first menstrual period may come within 4 to 6 weeks after your miscarriage is complete, but you don’t necessarily have to wait — especially if you have a complete miscarriage and you’re feeling ready.
Difficulty with intimacy is normal
If you aren’t feeling up to sex after your miscarriage, you most definitely aren’t alone. While physically your body may be recovered and sex may technically be safe, it can take time to heal the emotional wounds of loss.
Give yourself all the time you need.
You may experience a grieving period after your loss. And you might be surprised to know that the level of grief you feel may not have to do with how long your pregnancy lasted. It’s more about how you, as an individual, process your emotions.
Processing things may be easier if you have a solid support network of family and friends or if you consider seeing a therapist to talk through your feelings.
Here’s the thing: Intimacy doesn’t have to equal sex. There is a multitude of other ways to express closeness after pregnancy loss.
You might try:
- hugging
- cuddling
- holding hands
- outercourse (sexual activity without exchange of body fluids)
- massage
- dates
- long talks
Is sex after miscarriage painful?
As you miscarry, the uterus contracts and you may feel painful cramping. You may also have cramping after your miscarriage which’s similar to the cramping you have during your menstrual periods. Over time, this cramping should subside as the uterus continues to heal.
Still, you may experience pain or cramping during or after sex, especially in the early days. Keep in mind, though, that pain may be caused by infection or other things that need a doctor’s attention. Other signs of infection include:
- fever
- chills
- unpleasant smelling discharge
Pregnancy chances after miscarriage
You can get pregnant very soon after having a miscarriage — before your first period, even. That’s right! Some people may ovulate as soon as 2 weeks after the miscarriage is complete. If you’re having sex during that time, pregnancy is always a possibility.
If you’re not looking to conceive right away, chat with your doctor about contraceptive methods that are right for you. There’s no right or wrong decision after you’ve had a loss. Take into consideration how you’re feeling both physically and mentally. Talk with your partner about their feelings as well. And give yourself plenty of time to consider your choices.
